Email Page 9
From Eleanor E.
I started sucking my thumb when I was a little girl, but stopped becuase I had really bad teeth because of it. Then when I was 21, it started again, but instead of sucking my own thumb, I suckled my boyfriends finger. I felt comforted every time he let me suck on his finger and would do it while we were going to sleep, having sex, etc...he doesnt mind or think it is bad at all, but given the negative social stigmatisms against it, I have had trouble coping with the fact that I really enjoy doing it.
The only unfortunate setback, has been a little anxiety when he has withdrawn his finger and I am sucking on it, it feels like my pacification has been taken away, but I am working on that aspect of it. I sort of associate my behaviour with the need for nurturance, I was ripped away from being the baby after two years when I was little, when my sister was born, I dont think I was ready. I still like to be rocked, and my boyfriend has satisfied that fetish as well, so now when we go to sleep he rocks me and I suck on his fingers. I guess somehow it is a turn on for him, whatever floats his boat....I guess I could associate this with a Fraudian thing, having not satisfied my oral stage. Please throw any thoughts you may have on this my way, this is the first time I have seen information on this and am very releived, please talk to me.
After reading this, I sent her a reply, with some pointed questions:
1. Have you ever been able to do this throughout the whole night?
No, usually he lets me suck for a half hour or so depending on our position. If he cradles me spooning, he usually falls asleep while I am still suckling and then I fall asleep and his finger usually will fall out of my mouth and then we will both turn our separate directions and then come back together during the course of the night. When I am lying atop his chest he usually only lets me suck for a few minutes because it is a more awkward angle. I dont try to suckle all night because I dont want his finger to get all wrinkled and my mouth will begin to feel sore after a certain duration. Also sometimes I have the tendancy to bite him or suck to hard and that wakes him up out of a deep sleep and I try not to do that.
2. Do you find your boyfriends finger size, being larger,less or more desirable and why do you think?
Since it is his finger that I am suckling, I had a choice of ten and I felt that the forefinger was the most comfortable choice, I have tried sucking my own thumb which is about the size of his forefinger and I find it far less pleasurable. I think it is perfect for my mouth and it conforms nicely to my pallet.
3. How did this behavior start, i.e., what inspired it? And, as a corollary, how did it come to pass to continue?
With him, I just told him flat out "I like sucking on fingers, not in just a sexual way." I told him that I liked it when he put his finger in my mouth and let me suck on it, that I like to feel nurtured and comforted in that way. He is my soulmate, so he did not have any problem with that whatsoever. Originally, I began this behaviour with another boyfriend, who tolerated it, but the behaviour grew out of the stress I was feeling in that relationship and the boyfriend took a very strong nurturance/mother roll toward the end of the relationship. Soon though, he tired of my dependancy on on him and the relationship soured due to other issues, namely his alcohol problem. I had gone to a therapist to help me cope, after having been with an alcoholic for three years to get me back up on my feet as a confident adult, whereby I came to the conclusion that the finger sucking behaviour was a product of neediness and the craving of a love I was not receiving. However, when I met my present boyfriend, I trust and understand the nature of our deep love and the craving for finger sucking came back, it is not a needy behaviour but one done out of the desire for closeness and comfort.
4. What would you like, in this respect, in an "ideal" world? (How often would you do this and why, how long, would you do this in public if it wasn't frowned upon, etc.?)
I would like to be able to suckle through the night sometimes. I got my wish for my other desire last night. Usually I have to tell my boyfriend that I want to suck, I have been wishing for days that he would just find my mouth at night with his finger and initiate the process. Last night, he came to bed and drew me into his arms, after a time, he began to stroke my face, which I love and feel goes along with the whole wanting to suckle, and then he gently lifted my chin and softly put his finger into my mouth allowing me to hide my face in his neck and be all warm and cozy suckling away.
I also would wish that he would rock me more, not just while I suckle, which would be good too, but just hold me and rock me back and forth, a very gentle calming motion. I dont really feel the need to do it in public, it is really an intimate expression to me. I would suckle more often if we both werent so busy with other things around the house, I like the routine that we have gotten in the habit of doing though, he will let me suckle at night while I fall asleep and then on weekends in the morning, he lets me suckle then too, it helps releave me of any anxiety that I have in waking up.
5. Have you both sucked on each other's fingers and if so: At the same time? Which fingers? Why those fingers?
The only time he sucks my fingers is when I put them into his mouth and it is during sex. Yesterday we had a beautiful love making session and I put my forefinger into his mouth and he lay on his side and wrapped his hand around mine for a few minutes and suckled breifly. He looked so cute and I exclaimed "see you like it too!" He does not have the urge to suck as I do, he uses cigaretts for that and bites his nails, though in the middle of the night I have heard his mouth make sucking noises which I find endearing.
I have never engaged in mutual tsing, it is usually just me, and the reason for the finger is that its design fits perfectly into my mouth. The feelings I get when I do this is one of closeness and comfort. When I am pressed up agains his chest, curled up in his lap with his finger in my mouth and me sucking rhythmically and him stroking my hair and face and rocking me back and forth it is almost like being back in the womb, nothing can hurt me, I am protected, the feeling of deep satisfaction is imminent, and I feel his love for me on a very sacred level.
The only problem I seem to have and need to get used to is that I usually never stop suckling unless he takes his finger out, I would suckle for hours if he let me, but when he withdraws his finger, I get anxious and my heart starts to palpitate, I just need to understand that he is still there and just cuddling or being near each other is alright too, but it is like once the mouth gets going, it does not want to stop.
I suck my right index and middle finger and ocassionally my thumb alll my life, I am 23/f and find finger/thumb tuching incredibly erotic, Of course it always depends on the mood, I have had both a girl, and boyfriend that sucked thier thumbs. I loved to lay and whatch them while they slept unconsously sucking away, to see the bottom of thier tounge grapsing to thier thumb, it send shivers up my spine thinking of it. I cant explain why it is, maybe cause when I suck my fingers I feel very relaxed, and it is a very gratifying experiance, I feel calm and almost like a little child again, all of those little pleasures that mean so much, somehow linked with sex and afterward, feeling very content, safe, calm and relaxed. Shelly
My boyfriend told me about this site after reading about it in the newspaper, it really made my day. I'm almost twenty and i suck my thumb, actually, i dont really 'suck' it, it just always has a place in my mouth, without the actual sucking. My family always makes fun of me and ask if ill walk down the aisle with my thumb in my mouth. After my boyfriend read me the article, i finally understood why ill never stop sucking my thumb. After 20 years, I learned (from a comment in the article) that my thumb sucking is really a form of meditation for me. Now i finally have an answer to all those people who ask me why i do it. Thank you so much. It's a wonderful site, and im honoured to be a part of it! Keep up the fantastic work. Kim.
From: K
I found the TSing site about a year or so ago. I'll never forget the feeling of "Oh my God, you mean I'm not alone?!". It was probably the best feeling in the world to know I'm not alone. I enjoy reading all your stories and experiences. It always makes me feel better about whatever is going on in my life. Reading the site has given me confidence to share my habbit with people. I told my last boyfriend right up front and he was totally fine with it. In fact his ex-fiancee used to do it. I've even taken to TSing in my car now. It's great, I have two blankies (actually one that was cut in half) one for the car and one for home. I guess I just wanted to say hi, and thanks.
I am 27 year old Mother of two sons.(ages 6 and 3 ) I always thought I was WEIRD and THE ONLY ONE IN THE WORLD!!! My Husband and two children are the only ones who see me doing that. I don't want to keep doing it because I don't want to feel like a little kid who hasn't grown up. Thanks for making me feel a little better about myself. Toni.
Wow! After years of being teased by my family and husband, I can finally prove to them that I am not alone! I especially enjoyed the section on callouses. I love sucking my thumb and will never give it up!!!!
Hi there. I did write to you last year, telling you about my thumb sucking and that we here in United Kingdom don't seem to have the same hang ups about it. Well, last week I finally caught up with the american way of life and booked myself in to have my finger nails acryliced, I took the lady to one side to ask if she could possibly make the right thumb nail a bit shorter than all the other nails, and she quickly replied "oh, are you another thumb sucker"? I burst out laughing and said "im not the only one then?" She replied, "no, i have about 100 clients who suck their thumbs"! Non-suckers are becoming the minority!
I am 60 years old. Though this habit of mine has a soothing. put myself back together kind of feeling that I do so enjoy. Loved ones over the years have totally embarrassed me because of it. I have told family members that I stopped years ago. I recently "came out" to family again and have risked ridicule and received ridicule. But throughout my life, my thumb has not turned on me, people have, family has. But thumb sucking has remained the one and only true, kind and constant in my life. It has never hurt me and it never will. People have hurt me, people have embarrassed me over this seemingly innocent habit.
Hi everyone! I just found this site, and I can't even tell ya how happy I am to know that there are other ATSers out there! A little background...My name is Liz, I am 23. I have sucked my thumb my whole life, and have a 3 yr old daughter who sucks her fingers(index and middle). When I was young my parents tried to make me stop by "reminding" me I was sucking. "THUMB!!!" is all my mom had to say, and out my thumb went. Little did they know, that while it appeared I stopped, the constant nagging only made it worse. I did it more frequently. I became an expert in hiding it because I was ashamed and embarassed. When I came across this site, I couldn't beleive it. I look forward to getting to know you guys...your experiences and stories...and I am anxious to tell mine. After 23 years without ever talking about it, I jsut might talk your ears off! Have a great day, everyone
From John, one of our fans!
Hi all, I liked what Suzy did in her last message by sorta re-introducing herself perhaps to some people who haven't been around this board too long. Good thinkin'...so I'm going to do the same.
Like Suzy, I haven't posted here for a long time, though I have a fairly decent reason--I was out to sea for the last 6 months. Good to be back. So...I'm a longtime leftie with a callous to prove it, and I never thought that there would be as many of us out there as I've found when I started hanging around here in 98. I have gotten more brave, shall we say, over the last few years, due in no small part to hearing from others like me...if you drive around enough in the SE Virginia area, you just might spot me, because I've decided that the car is definitely my space to whatever the hell I want, and this usually includes sucking my thumb. It's a whole lot better than chain-smoking while driving (which I still confess to doing somewhat). Still, I'm pretty secretive about the whole TS issue at work, because I think there is a time and place for everything, and let's just say that onboard an aircraft carrier is neither the time nor place for THAT. However, if I'm in an environment where it's not likely that there's anyone I know around, I'm getting comfortable enough to enjoy my habit with impunity!
As far as relationships go, I pick and choose who I let in on this pretty carefully...only one person so far. It's sometimes tough to gauge a person's reaction to this and I think our natural human fear of rejection keeps us from opening up to people who may not accept our TSing for what it is. And my TSing is a many-splendored thing, to misuse a cliché... depending on my mood, it can be very relaxing, and yes, sometimes it can even be erotic, though I'll save the "do you TS when..." issue for another time.
I really liked the topic of TSers and personality traits...it's something I've wondered about for awhile, actually. I'm so damn emotionally complex I don't really know how I fit in to the traits that Nada brought up (though yes, I'm somewhat sensitive, though I can be a world-class a-hole sometimes; not too innocent, definitely on the sly side; and not as physically active as I'd like). TSing is definitely an extension of oral fixations I've realized I've had forever--the smoking is probably another. Also, I think my preference for women who bite their nails is definitely tied in there somewhere, weird as that might be, especially considering I'm not a nailbiter myself.
Other TS miscellany about me: no security objects (T-shirts, blankies, etc.); I find myself unconsciously being careful of what I touch with my left hand (mastered the art of opening doors without using my thumb) and constantly chugging water, to prevent coffee/cigarette stains on the thumb; and I think I'm getting way too obsessed with spotting other TSers in the world around me, though it is a neat little "people-watching" activity sometimes. So there ya go...a thumbnail sketch of my thumb and me. For what that's worth. Hope everyone's having a great summer, and keep posting! It gives me something to look at when I get bored and check this forum (I'm sure you're all terribly concerned with keeping me occupied!)
Hey everybody! This is my 1st time on the forum, new to site, hence, I give you: My first public admission of adult thumb sucking! (i know, i know, hold the applause ) Anyhoo: I'm not quite comfortable tsing in the car, I find myself putting it in and out as traffic comes and goes..I'll also suck at the movies if it's not too crowded around me, using an inward arm manuever as well...and last but not least, and not really last, on long plane rides I will dress accordingly, wearing a baggy hooded shirt/jacket makes it easy and smooth sailing-taking a long nap AND tsing at the same time.
The most public place I've sucked my thumb would have to be in a theater. When the lights go out it is easy to suck your thumb. I just put my arm on the armrest and lean my head on my hand and stick my thumb in. (This is kind of hard to describe in writing but it might help if you actually tried to do this right now). I haven't done it for a few years, but it is definitely the most public place I've TSed. (I did try TSing while driving at night but I didn't like it). No one that I know of saw me do this, so I felt very comfortable doing it with the lights out and everybody watching the movie or play. The only reason I felt the least bit uncomfortable is because I didn't have my comfort object with me and I really like to TS while I watch t.v., movies, etc. so without it I felt kind of weird.
I think that you must have some REALLY interesting stories to tell about talking about this on TV! I think as with LOTS of things in our lives, some people are just more private than others. I know the world would not end if someone found out I am an adult tser. But since I HAVE managed to keep it quietly and gently to myself all these years, I'd like to keep it that way. I WOULD be embarrassed and worried about what people thought of me....that's just the way I am. I consider adult tsing to be an oddity (though seemingly harmless, I know!) in human behavior. Why were some of us never able to leave this alleged childhood habit behind? Since I'm not sure of the answer I would feel uncomfortable revealing this aspect of who I am to others. However, I must admit that when I told my husband recently the anxiety I felt was much greater than the response I received from him! AS I stated earlier, there is just no desire in me to tell anyone else...
I agree that people shouldn't have to hide Tsing - which is often a large part of themselves. I was like that for a long time. After seeing this site, and being active with postings, I suddelnly got the courage to come out with my habit to someone very meaningful in my life - one of my best friends. While I don't openly suck my thumb in front of everyone I meet, I do so in front of people who really matter in my life. It was hard at first, but I am now relieved and feel more secure about myself. I think hiding any part of your life which is very important to you can effect you negatively.
I see nothing wrong with wanting to keep TSing private if it is by the TSers own choice. But if being private is out of fear of what other people may say or think then it is hiding. Why would we let others control our lives? Why should anyone have to hide like some kind of criminal? What is this site about? I thought it was to help people shed their fear and shame of TSing. Think about this, if our webmaster didn't have a "liberal" view on TSing none of us would be talking about it at all. I think it is great that some of our brother and sister TSers feel comfortable and happy by being secretive, but many are not comfortable in that hidden world. And isn't it odd that so many of us feel compelled to talk to others about our TSing, even if it is anonymously in this site.
i agree with some of what you said. i read it fast so i may have missed some of it. it hit me part way through what is different between you and me. i wouldn't suck my thumb in public even if it was acceptable. maybe at a movie but other than that i really don't think so. perhaps if i had always been able to i would have been conditioned differently. but as it is i am the way i am. i only ts in my bedroom for the most part at my house. that is pretty much irrespective of who is home. even if i am alone and know i will be alone-family out of town, i still pretty much go to my bedroom if i am going to suck my thumb. the exception would be if i am on the computer downstairs. i guess i just associate other places with different things.
Just wanted to pass along that I "confessed" my atsing to my husband. I was surprised at how it was not as dramatic as I was expecting it to be! (I was kind of thinking this topic could be fodder for a "movie-of-the-week"!) My hang up with it is definintely bigger that his, which was a nice surprise. Guess that comes from the years of hiding and feeling guilty. Now he knows not only how I feel about our daughter's continued finger sucking, but WHY I feel that way. We are both on the same page as to how to address the issue and that is where we need to be.
I have done a lot of reading on the internet regarding children and thumb/finger sucking. I can't believe all the so called "experts" that are still recommending the tactics my parents' generation used to get me to quit!! Nasty tasting solutions, bandaids on the thumb/finger, glove on the preferred hand, etc. It makes me soooo mad that these people aren't considering what this could do to the self-esteem if the child is one who has an intense need to continue to suck. I am DONE reading anything more about this regarding kids. We are encouraging our daughter to keep her fingers out of her mouth when talking to us or others...that's just good manners. She does not finger suck at school, but does at home. There's a time and place for a lot of things in a child's life and this is just one more of those things. If she continues to suck as she gets older, we'll do what is necessary to keep her from feeling guilty and to accept it as part of who she is.
Thanks for the information and insights I haved discovered through this site. You will never know how learning I am not alone in my atsing has helped me acknowledge and deal with some pretty haunting issues in my life.
I found this site by accident. It feels good to know there are others out there like myself. Growing up I used to get teased by the other kids in school. By the time I was in high school I learned to control my "habit" so that no one outside of my family knew. Even after marriage I managed to hide it from my wife, for a while. Then she found out, it was hard to hide when she was there in bed with me at my favorite time to suckle my thumb. Its hard to remember those first few times we discussed my TSing. Happily we are still married and celebrated 25 years together. As for my TSing - as I read through this discussion board I was savorying my thumb.
I don't think about anything in particular when I suck my thumb. It is so automatic for me, that I just do it - I don't really think about it. For example, while I am online, the majority of the time (when I'm not typing that is) I suck my thumb. During that time I am completely thinking about other things, and the thumb sucking is a subconcious effort. To me it is much the same as breathing. It is an automatic body function, but you have the ability to control it if need be. (Unlike breathing however, I can abstain from TSing for hours at a time )